Negril was good for me.
So good that when folks ask me, “How was vacation?”, I find myself pausing for a bit to find the words. I can’t fully articulate the fullness of what it poured into me, into us.
I could look at it through the lens of tired parents who’ve never had a getaway alone. That, in and of itself, is a theme that all too many of us share. The burnout, the focus on family and work and realizing that you’ve lost a little bit of what brought you together in the first place.
But even that isn’t really the full story. You see, on top of all of that, I’ve just been feeling, and hearing, the call to be still. Which is difficult for someone who has lived their whole life on the shallow premise that accomplishments and accolades are the hallmarks of success. I measured my own value against the things that I had done or achieved and it was a never ending marathon I was running.
I chalked up the physical and emotional toll of that lonely race to byproducts of simply living life, not realizing that I was running straight into a brick wall.
It wasn’t long before my body said enough. I developed a chronic pain that made it physically unbearable to do certain things. Simple tasks like grocery shopping left me immobile on the couch afterwards. It was maddening that I couldn’t just get up and keep going, checking off whatever else was on my to do list. Then I began to see that I wasn’t pouring into my family like I should have been. My daughter complained that I didn’t spend any one on one time with her and who knows the last time my husband and I had spent time alone. I felt like I was drowning and pushing away my life preserver at the same time. Getting in my own way.
I was being selfish really which was a hard truth to face about myself.
So, I’ve been trying to slow it all down. Which is why I wanted to take the trip in the first place. Where else can you be easy but on a beach with an endless supply of rum punch?
Honestly, it’s a daily effort and maybe one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve always been a high achiever and a go-getter. Slowing down means letting go of the standards I placed on myself and being more discerning with the things I do say yes to.
If you follow me on IG you may have noticed the subtle shift in my content. It’s a reflection of my current season of life. The slow season where I say no to more things, set boundaries in place and protect my peace.
Someone left a comment and said, “I am liking this Jamaica you!” and I chuckled.
I’m liking her too.