Bedtime Blues
I lose my mind every night at bedtime.
I mean full on, ugly parenting, not so proud stage 5 losing it. Every day I tell myself that I’ll be more patient and bedtime will go smoothly, and every night without fail, I continue to lose it. It’s pure chaos and all I want is for Noah to get into bed so I can read him a story, pull up his covers and walk away as he falls asleep.
Except that never happens. Instead, there are 15 requests for water, tantrums over picking out a story, complaints about the blanket not being on his toes right, 13 hugs, 27 kisses, and I lost count how many high five and fist bumps we end with. You see, every time he asks for water, he then needs a hug, kiss, high five and fist bump (each hand). We repeat this bedtime process until I have no patience left.
I know most people would say things like “cherish these moments”, or “you’ll wish you had this time back” but my brain doesn’t process those thoughts when I’m in the thick of it. Quite frankly, I really don’t even like to hear them when I’m feeling exasperated or wanting to vent.
I honestly couldn’t figure out why I was losing it every, single night and then it hit me. Noah going to bed is the start of the little time I have to myself. From the moment I wake up, I’m propelled from one task to another in a constant state of movement and in the company of either my family or people at work. Night time is when I get to be alone and I need my alone time to recharge. I’m an introvert and I get peopled out by the end of the day.
So when that time comes and its soooooo close but keeps getting derailed for things like a stuffed animal being too close or one more mother loving sip of water, I lose it. Then, once this crazy chaotic routine is done, the guilt sets in. Tonight, after yelling at Noah to get back in the bed he screamed, “BUT I WANT MORE KISSES!!!!” and I yelled back “ENOUGH! ENOUGH KISSES! JUST GO TO BED!”
Sigh. Not my proudest moment. I mean who denies kisses to a three year old?
Tomorrow is a new day and I’ve resolved myself to not lose my patience and be gentle but firm with him. I’m determined to not spend another night with heightened emotions.
Wish me luck.
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The exact moment I saw your IG story, I wasn’t going to click it but was like let me support. At this EXACT time after work, nursing my 1 yo, giving my mom chat time, getting my 18 yo chat time, then my husband get home…wants to chat, taking son to swimming lessons, fixing 1 yo dinner, after a quick neighbor stroll. I get to my “office” and sit and here comes my husband…another conversation. 😖 All that to say I feel this 100% the rush to get to at least ONE hour of just YOU (likelytaking more bc I’m greedy. It’s an uphill battle and won’t be solved for us until they have left the house and we miss them. What a set up! 🥴
Good luck tomorrow Mama. Three year olds are master at getting their needs met. We could all take lessons from those little effers…lol!
He’s not your first, so you already know so much about this frustrating time of day. But I’d like to affirm your need for rest, alone time, and autonomy! If you’re open to advice, I’d say tell Noah your new expectations (e.g., one drink, two stories, etc., then a long hug with kisses, then we’re done), and then stick to it. Whatever reasonable routine and time limit you set, just do it. He’ll protest, you know he will, but that’s OK. It IS fine to deny a 3-year-old more kisses when it’s within a healthy context! It’s hard, but he’ll get used to it if you’re consistent. And you’ll feel better!
Sending you love and strength!
Bed time is my least favorite. Two toddler’s competing for more of me. Who gets me first who gets what stuffy in their rooms. The WATER!!! Needing to show me one more thing. YAMI I’m there with ya. Those people “cherish this” um get bent lady!
Hugs.
Oh mama, I feel for you. Here’s the thing, I hated bedtime routines. I’m nice and comfy on the couch watching my fave ahow and I gotta get up and go tuck in and read a story. So many times I yelled at them to just go to bed. And then the guilt just like you. How mean was I to deny them tucking in and a story. Oh what a horrible time that was. Now they’re 12 and 16 and guess what? I DON’T MISS IT. There, I said it. It’s a gigantic pain in the ass. Good luck to you. I hope you find a good balance of kisses and your time. Stay strong!
Yami please give yourself some grace….. You are definitely not alone!! Tomorrow’s a new day and a new beginning and perhaps a new ending!!🖤❤️🙋🏽♀️
Be gentle with yourself. You are an excellent mother, with or without end-of-night-losing-your-shit <3
Yami please give yourself some grace….. You are definitely not alone!! Tomorrow’s a new day and a new beginning and perhaps a new ending!!🖤❤️🙋🏽♀️
Ugh solidarity. I also denied my 3 year old an extra kiss. Tomorrow is a new try for the both of us.
I remember my son doing a modified version of the same thing at that age. So frustrating! It did pass, but it was tough to get through. My daughter waited until she was more like six or seven to start a nightly routine of trips to the bathroom and other nonsense. In retrospect, I think hers was anxiety. It was such a relief to leave the bedtime shenanigans behind. I would read until all hours just to get that precious time to myself and then pay for it the next day. Feeling your pain and sending supportive vibes.
My 4 year old is exactly the same. Anything to delay bedtime. And anytime you give in to one thing, it becomes part of the bedtime routine FOREVER. So what used to take me 15 mins often takes over an hour. If you find something that works, please clue the rest of us in 😂
Good luck mama! I 100% feel this every night with my 4 year old. I just give myself grace. 🤷🏾♀️
I feel this to my core! I think it’s perfectly ok as a parent to not enjoy certain things or feel guilted into the feelings of “cherish these moments”. You’ll make up for the time with your little ones somewhere else. As an introverted mommy of two very talkative kids, a wife to a husband who’s job keeps him away from home for extended hours, a caretaker for a sick parent, and someone try to not give up on business ownership, I had to learn to extend myself grace. I had to learn to not judge myself in those moments of ugly parenting and to be open with my kids when I’m not feeling my best. Even apologizing when I feel my rants are completely unwarranted. I say this to say, you are doing amazing and don’t let anyone even yourself make you feel bad. Parenting isn’t easy at all!
Oh gosh, this spoke to me on so many levels. We strive to be patient and loving but it does get overwhelming; especially before bed and before school. And those are the times that I tell myself that I’m going to be more gentle and just breathe because I don’t want to send them out into the cruel world after I just yelled. But babyyyy they can make it so hard when you’re trying to get things done in a certain time frame. Praying that things go a lot smoother for you tonight.
Every child and every home is different, but I completely get how exasperating this evening cycle Hass to feel for you. I am also an introvert. And I desperately need time alone after a day of momming and working. When my child was that age, I simply did not do bedtime routines. Yes, we had baths, and brushed teeth, and read books, but I let my kid pass out wherever they passed out and then carried them to bed. Sometimes that was in my bed while I watch the show, or on the couch because I put on planet earth and it bored them. But, I never tried to put them down every night, because it was just a battle I could not do at the end of the day. I get that this is just my situation and my child, and that some children will simply go and go and go and go. My kid was (is) extremely stubborn and would fight just to fight. And I wasn’t willing to fight about bed.